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On Love…an internal investigation as i fall…

I am always curious about love…you know the kind between two people that makes body parts go pitt-erpatt-er. I am curious because well I see many do it so well and others like me fail miserably at it…it seems.
Curious because on the one hand love can be so so beautiful and strengthening, and on the other it can release the deep deep ugly in us. Now i don’t know for sure whether it’s love perse that reveals the ugly, but it sure allows us the safety to reveal our ugly.
In the name of love we can be so kind yet by the same token so very very unkind to those we claim to love…
In the name of love we can be so fearless but at the same time so very fearful.
In the name of love we can be so…and yet by the same token be so…the opposite.
Is there a difference between when the mind is in love and when the heart is?…
Can your mind be in love while your heart is not convinced?…i ask these questions as my heart – i mean my mind (but my fingers typed heart). Anyways my mind’s been ‘being in love i mean in something’ with him…crushing hard on him recently. I don’t see him often but when we do its like an intellectual love fest… spilling all over each other knowledge and insight and ideas about people and places we mutually love. i love his…..i mean to say…my mind loves his mind. Loves the way i learn so much from him about all the things that we love, and in my mind he is a true renaissance man of brilliant proportions. And when we meet – the  once in a rare blue times in years that we meet- it’s like we never didn’t see each other for years or months or whatever!
My mind thinks about him often. Thanks to technology i can keep up with what he is doing and it tugs on internal spaces I don’t want it to tug on…Cause you know we are so not like that…but…
So anyways can your mind and heart stand in different positions about someone…about love…

I’ve taken to calling the fact that i’ve been thinking about you way too much lately, an intellectual or rather professional crush. I am just so impressed by his work I say, and then the tiny memory of feeling so in-connect with you on the rare moments that we meet always has be second guessing…thinking, wondering, do I like, LIKE this guy????

Ewwwwwww uh NO! We are so not each other’s type…true say i have no clue what his ‘type’ is,  but i know for damn sure that I ain’t it. I think….and well, he is ….noooot…my type…either…. Right? RIGHT!! Definitely NOT!

I am smiling as I am having this raging debate…wondering can the mind tell the heart to be in love? As in, ‘heart, this is someone sensible to be in love with so CHOOSE him. Or does the heart go solo and decide, yep i like that one! bump you brain i am choosing him! How does one choose love? does one choose love?

Cause well i don’t know when exactly i started thinking about you…like that i mean. I don’t even know what ‘like that’ means. How exactly have I been thinking about you? You know, in that way that now has me writing about it-you-love…kind of way (cause i don’t write about things unless they are affecting me on a cellular level). And like when did that -you having a cellular effect on me- happen? Then again it might just be an absence makes the heart i mean mind, grow fonder type thing or maybe honestly its just a professional crush…

I don’t know and to be honest i don’t know that I want to know…cause he is so so so not my type and I am definitely not his! I …. Think.

Plus I believe both my heart and mind are in agreement, at least for the moment, that we shall remain mute on the subject…Cause neither of them feel ready for the burden that we believe to be of love! Phew! Thankful for small mercies. Ase!…yet the heart whispers, ‘but what if…you know…maybe?’ ‘No! No! NO!’ says the mind don’t even go there!…Or was it the mind who said and the heart opposed? Arrrgh Lol who knows…

i am truly amused by all of this and thankful to be able to stand apart from it all and write about it.

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Love.Who decides…the heart, the mind or both?

With love always
A Traveling Black Chick
LH

My dearest readers, this is a real conversation with myself; it is a rambling of words and thoughts…hence the seeming rambling on of this post. Plus this is also me trying to capture every thought that passes through the cortex on this particular topic. Cause I feel very much like a scientist at this moment. Observing myself…as i am possibly falling in love with someone who has no damn clue about it…and most likely never will! lolol! I love me so much!

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About Black Chick

A silent seeker. Living Loud! Fascinated with the world! Producer, Director, Writer, Entrepreneur

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