I decided to write this post after watching yet another video tell the Black woman to be this way or that way, to do this or that so she can keep a Black Man. I am so tired of the rhetoric, I am tired of the ‘reasons why black relationships are failing is because of the angry black woman” rhetoric, tired of the ‘in order for black women to be in relationships they need to ‘submit’ or change or some other bullshit so that we can have that wonderful black man rhetoric; tired of the ‘other’ women are better according to black men because they do or have A., B. C. D, rhetoric. Tired of it all.
It is so unfair and so unkind to be vilified this way especially by members of our own race. It is unfair to blame the break down of black men as social beings on us, it is unfair to call us bitches and hos yet demand that we act otherwise. It is unfair to give black men all the reasons in the world why things are bad for them yet blame black women so completely for failing relationships. What? As a result of the victimized black man we as black women should bend over till we break to accommodate their bad behavior, while at the same time smile through the shit that they bring to our tables? How much more are we supposed to take before we are allowed to call them out on their shit?
I am surrounded by black women who have done it all for their men, given their lives, loved as gently as passionately as hard as they could only to end up alone and destroyed by the utter disregard and unkindness of their partners. Equally I have been in relationships with black men to whom I have been kind, never uttered a degrading or bitter word, only to get, you’re great but…I am not ready to be in a relationship cause as it turns out I am relating to a few other women in addition to you! HUH??
When are we to say enough is enough? When is it OK to be mad, to be sad, to be frankly depressed about the men who appear wonderful in the beginning but only turn out to be unkind, or inconsiderate or simply not available to fulfill even our basic needs for companionship? When dear lord can we just express what we are feeling without being labeled or advised to submit to some old school doctrine that pits the Black man as our King in order for us to have a damn relationship. I am Tired!!
I am a black woman uninterested in submission, uninterested in allowing the black men their multitude of excuses to walk all over my life. I am a black woman who willingly will accept that I am pissed, down right angry about all of this blaming of the breakdown of black relationships on my sisterhood. I am a black woman who can show empathy and understand that sometimes things are tough for some black men but who is unwilling to accept that this gives them the reason or the right to treat me with disrespect.
I am a black woman who is happy to stand in the shoes that I stand, in the body that I stand and I am confident enough to say NO to the bullshit; NO to having to ‘submit’; NO to their (black men, black women society, whomever)’s image of who they think me to be or who they think I should be. God Damn it I am a black woman who chooses to just be as I am (joys, flaws, anger and all); and whomever is brave enough and strong enough to deal with this black woman will be one happy helluva man!
And if there ain’t no one who can deal then I am happy to simply be with me!
I am yours as always
A Traveling Black Chick
P.S I dedicate this to post all my Black Sisters who are warm, kind, thoughtful, generous and loving but flawed as every human being is. Who would do anything to love and care for a black man and still wait in hope. Some of you stay silent, because you are afraid to be labeled as angry, you don’t want to scare away that good black brother. To you I say any man who is meant to love you. Will love you; ALL of you. If you decide to change, something about who you are, do it because the change allows you to become a better You for YOU. Not for anyone else.